Challah

Challah oh Challah, have I made a match for you!

That outburst was dedicated to my mother.

To make up for the utter laziness of last week's blog, I've made the most time consuming thing I know how to. Challah.



Ingredients:
1 1/4 Cups Warm Water
1 1/2 Tsp Yeast
1/4 Cup Honey (or more if you like your Challah on the sweet side)
2 Tb Vegetable Oil
1 1/2 Tsp Salt
2 Eggs
4 Cups Flour
1 More Egg for Egg Wash (Preferably a lucky double yolk one!)

Combine all ingredients except 1 egg. Cover with cling wrap and let rise 1 1/2 Hours. Drop it on a floured surface and smack it around a little. Cut into 6 pieces and braid as shown in the video (or for ease, just braid like hair. But you won't feel nearly as smug afterwards.) Let rise another hour. Cover in egg wash and bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes. When you knock on it, it should sound hollow.

Hope your Challah doesn't blow up.

Eat!

Baked Ziti!

This is the absolutely laziest blog to date. I had intended to make Challah - a four hour process culminating in the symphonic six strand braiding of properly raised, beaten, raised again hand made dough.

But that didn't happen.

I went to the supermarket, all optimism and skipping, bought yeast, eggs, honey... and forgot flour. So I could either make a yeast and honey omelet, or postpone the Challah adventure.

Distraught and disgruntled, I begrudgingly recorded myself making the laziest dinner (next to boxed macaroni) in existence. It consists of opening packages, throwing them in the general direction of a clean baking dish, and applying fire.

I call this "Thank-You-ShopRite-for-Doing-All-The-Measuring-For-Me... Baked Ziti"!



Ingredients:
Box of Pasta
Jar of Sauce
Half a Container of Ricotta
Bag of Mozzerella
Herbs to make things pertyful.

Boil pasta. Throw everything in a pan. Mix. Cover in cheesey goodness. Sprinkle with herbs in a last ditch attempt to pretend to have an actually useful cooking show. Bake at 425 until deliciously brown and melty.

Turkey and Mushroom Chili

The days are hot in August, aren't they? I can think of no better way to spend an afternoon than further heating up my apartment with a pot of boiling death turkey lava for an hour or so. But no joke, this is delicious and (to my knowledge) purdy darn good for you.



Ingredients:
Onion, diced
Mushrooms, diced
1 Lb Ground Turkey
2 Tb Chili Powder
1 Tb Oregano
Red Pepper Flake, to taste
28 Oz Can of Tomatoes
Bottle o' Brewskie
2 Tb Cornstarch diluted in water

Sautee Onions for a while, throw in Mushrooms and saute until mushrooms start to spit out the water they stole. Add Turkey and cook until no longer pink. Add spices and saute for about a minute to wake them muthas up. Add what's left of Beer after you drank it. Add Tomatoes and mash with a potato masher. Simmer whole concoction for about an hour. Add cornstarch, let boil a moment, and eat!

Asparagus Soup

Asparagus Soup:
1 Lb Asparagus
2 Tb Butter
2 Tb Flour
1 Cup Milk
1 Cup Water
Parmesan, Lemon Juice, Salt, Pepper, anything else you wanna chuck in.

Cut up Asparagus and boil until tender. Drain.
Melt butter in the pot, add flour. Cook until smells nuttalicious.
Add milk and water and whisk quickly to dissolve roux.
Add cooked asparagus, buzz it, add delicious flavorings of your choosing, slurp!